Imagine being watched, trapped, and stripped of your dreams – all because of a promise of a better life. This is the reality for Kiran*, one of many Indian women ensnared in what's become known as the 'abandoned brides' phenomenon.
Kiran's story begins in a village in northern India, far removed from her husband's home in Brisbane, Australia, over 10,000 km away. Despite the distance, his presence was ever-present, thanks to cameras installed throughout her home. He could monitor her every move, creating a chilling atmosphere of control.
"He would say: 'I can always see what you do'," she recalls, a testament to the constant surveillance she endured.
The couple's journey began with a traditional Sikh wedding in Punjab, near the India-Pakistan border. However, the initial promise of a shared life quickly dissolved. Over eight years, her husband visited her only four times, each stay lasting about a month.
Kiran's experience mirrors the plight of thousands of Indian women who were sold a dream of migration and a fresh start, only to find themselves in a domestic nightmare. Yasmin Khan, head of the Bangle Foundation, a Queensland-based service supporting South Asian women facing domestic abuse, highlights this troubling trend.
But here's where it gets controversial... Women's rights advocates have labeled this as the 'abandoned brides' phenomenon, where women are deserted by their Indian-born husbands living abroad in countries like the UK, Australia, and Canada.
Some of these abandonments are financially motivated, with husbands absconding with the dowry, a practice that, despite being illegal in India since 1961, remains prevalent. In other cases, wives are used to provide domestic support for their in-laws, a situation some advocates liken to modern-day slavery. Other men may want to take their wife overseas but face unforeseen visa issues preventing this.
Human rights campaigners have documented cases of abandoned brides living in Australia, where navigating the legal system is often complex. In Kiran's case, her husband initially promised a life split between India and Australia, with the eventual goal of settling down. However, when she became pregnant, he dashed her hopes, stating she would never join him in Australia.
"I came to realize this life was not for me. He had no interest in me. I had just been bought here to take care of others," Kiran explains.
Before the wedding, the then 22-year-old knew little about her husband. However, his permanent residency in Australia, white-collar job, and abstention from alcohol made him an attractive match in her family's eyes. The dream soon turned sour. After a month of marriage, he returned to Australia, and during his infrequent visits, arguments often turned violent.
From Brisbane, he would dictate her domestic duties, including cooking and cleaning for his parents, and constantly remind her of the surveillance, stating, "I can see you on the camera – make sure what you cook is fresh for my parents." By early 2022, Kiran's mental health was deteriorating. Community elders in Punjab, considered an epicentre for abandoned brides, urged the family to reunite, prompting her husband to bring her and their children to Australia in 2023.
"At that time, I thought God has finally listened to my prayers and I will get to live with my husband, my children will have a father," Kiran says.
And this is the part most people miss... Upon arriving in Brisbane, she discovered her husband had brought her on a tourist visa instead of a partner visa, which offers a pathway to permanent residency. This left her with no legal right to stay indefinitely, despite her children being Australian citizens.
Khan emphasizes that her husband's surveillance and control were forms of coercive control, a common issue faced by many of the Bangle Foundation's clients. The foundation, which relies on state government support, grants, and donations, handles approximately 1,000 calls annually regarding domestic abuse, visa abuse, and trafficking, with 60% of these calls coming from women based interstate and abroad.
Khan also points out that cultural norms, such as arranged marriages, can be a barrier for migrant and culturally and linguistically diverse women seeking help from mainstream services.
Kiran is currently in visa limbo, fighting to remain in Australia with her children. She clings to the hope that her children will bring her the happiness she once sought from her husband.
*Name has been changed
What do you think? Do you believe cultural factors play a significant role in these situations? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
- In Australia, the national family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732.
- In the UK, call the national domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247, or visit Women’s Aid.
- In the US, the domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Other international helplines may be found via www.befrienders.org
